The Common Meal
An Antidote to a Fractured Culture
We live in a culture where it's easier to scroll past someone’s vacation photos than to sit across from them at a table. We text more than we talk. We eat in our cars, at our desks, in front of the TV—anywhere but together. All the while we are around a lot of people while the studies show we are feeling perpetually lonely.
But what if one of the most powerful ways to heal the growing anxiety, isolation, and disconnection in America isn’t a new app, a self-help trend, or a hot take on social media—but something ancient and very human: the shared meal. I devoted an entire chapter of my dissertation to this simple but ancient concept, it’s a lost art but one that Nicki and I have been intentional about for over 30 years and we are richer for it.
When we go to the theater, to church, to school and even concerts, we sit shoulder to shoulder oriented to the ‘expert’ who is on stage, the screen, the authority in the room. When we share a meal, we are oriented around a table, ‘towards’ each other. It’s more than shared experience, it’s eye contact. As plates are passed, so are stories. Laughter alone heals the wounds on our souls. We can’t fake it around a table, we are our true selves. It is here where truth in love can be imparted to those we are living life with.
A regular, intentional meal with family or friends—no phones, no rushing, no agenda—is a quiet act of rebellion against the loneliness epidemic. It’s so simple, yet requires real intention, it won’t just ‘happen’ on your calendar. You have to choose it as priority and follow through.
My all-time favorite Sociologist, Robert Putnam, in his book Bowling Alone, charted how social bonds in America have eroded over time. His research shows that we’re participating less in community life—clubs, churches, neighborhood groups—and it's hurting our collective mental and emotional health. We're bowling more, but alone.
But here’s the good news: we can choose to gather again. Around a table. With food, really good food, like seasoned food. Big stories, laughter, and maybe even a little chaos because humans and community are messy.
The meal is about showing up, not showing out. Its not about being fancy, this isn’t another anxiety ridden performance in your life, this is just you being regular you with basic sustenance. You don’t need matching plates or the perfect playlist, you just need enough hustle to show up for each other and stay at the table.
So here’s your invitation:
Pick one night this week. Invite someone over. Order pizza, make grilled cheese, potluck it (but please season your food!! ha ha). Sit down. Share food. Share drink. Share bottles. Ask questions. Listen. Or just laugh and be you. You won’t regret it.
Every time we eat together on purpose, every time we show up at the table and face one another in our shared humanity; we are stitching the frayed edges of community back together in our great American Cultural Regression—one bite at a time.
Welcome to the Good Life, my friends!